“The whole bloody world's got a commitment problem"

There are three things that make me extremely suspicious of other people. I really struggle to look past these things. That may make me a judgmental bitch but whatever, a girl has to have standards.

1. People who don't have both male and female friends. I don't care what gender you are, but if all of your friends are either male or female there is something wrong with you. And a boyfriend/girlfriend does not count as a friend, nor does your boyfriend/girlfriend's friends (unless you do have an independent friendship). Everyone should have a friend of both genders they can call when they're up shit creek. Otherwise it shows you can't associate with both males and females properly and that is a problem. One of my friends went out with a guy in our friendship circle who wasn't close with any of the girls and didn't have any other female friends. Unsurprisingly he was a shit boyfriend and dumped her after a year saying he 'could do better'. He was also convinced all us other girls had a thing for him and were flirting with him. I didn't find that out until later, which may be why he was so awkward around us. Either way, people who don't understand both genders have issues.
2. People who don't drink. As I've mentioned earlier, drinking is a large part of my social life and I can't understand or trust people who don't drink. These sorts of people are usually stuck-up and wankery, or freakishly religious, or just not very fun. Then there are the people who have had alcohol issues in the past and have given it up, which okay good on them, but that is not an issue I'm dealing with when you can't handle me drinking around you. I don't see the point in a steak without a glass of wine, or a BBQ without beer, or...well you see where I'm going. People who don't drink have usually made less bad decisions, have less amusing stories and are less open-minded.
3. People who don't like the TV show 'Friends'. I am well aware that it has been years since everyone was wondering will-they-or-won't-they about Ross and Rachel, but perhaps that is the point. This show is old enough that everyone has seen an episode and yet it remains as culturally relevant as it did 15 years ago. There is a Friends episode for every moment in life, a character that is exactly like that person you are discussing...and it is a show that will always always be funny. If someone doesn't find Friends funny you have to wonder what do they find funny? The answer is most likely to be nothing or Funniest Home Videos or pulling wings of a fly, none of which is a good answer. If someone can't enjoy and laugh at Friends, they probably can't enjoy or laugh at life. And if someone has never seen Friends...there is no hope for them. Even my friend who has never owned a TV has seen Friends. And loved it, of course.

"2am, I'm on a blackout binge again"

How to tell you're not so much a hot mess as just a fucking mess:

Last weekend was my cousin's wedding. Now, I have a lot of cousins and I'm not particularly close to any of them, probably due to the fact that I have so many. Which isn't to say that I don't like my extended family. I do, with the exception of their frequent questioning of what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. That isn't exactly their fault. We don't see each other often enough for them to realise that I am so fucking sick of getting asked what I'm going to be doing next year I want to hit them all.

Or...get really really drunk. Weddings equal free booze. Cue me being the first person in line as soon as the bar opened. Okay, I lie. I was second. Right behind my dad. Cue me downing 3 beers and a glass of red before the entree was served. And lots more wine to follow that. There was plenty of (incredible) food, but not nearly enough to soak up all the booze I was gulping.

So there was me. The first one on the dance floor as soon as the music started. The first one to start loudly clapping and cheering during the speeches. The first one knocking people down to get into the photobooth with my novelty oversized glasses. And that is just the stuff I remember.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was well and truly wasted. And I am a loud drunk. I don't do sitting quietly at the table trying not to be sick. I am all manic laughter and tripping over my high heels. My family? With the exception of my father they are not big drinkers and even if they do indulge, they are quiet about it.

My parents had to take me home early and put me to bed. I was supposed to go out with The Best Friend afterwards but I was apparently in no shape.

Since I woke up the next morning still wearing my shoes and with no memory of the bouquet I supposedly caught it was probably a fair call.

A couple of years ago The Best Friend was told by her mother that she had ruined Christmas when her scorpion back tattoo was discovered on Christmas Eve (she was also told she'd ruined Christmas then year after that, but that's another story). I ruined my cousin's wedding.